Small Groups

Our pastor is going to be pushing small groups in the next few weeks. I think small groups are really great, but they haven't worked for Brad and I since before we were married.

Back when we were newly married and before kids, we were with a group of other couples in the same era of life and a charismatic leader. We grew so much, personally and as a group. After we had kids and our leader moved away, we haven't been able to connect with a group since.

We have 2 main problems with small groups. The first is: we tend to be the most committed members of the group. We always give the group our priority time, scheduling our lives so we don't miss it. Only sickness keeps up away. There have been times when we've showed up for our small group to have even the hosts gone and no one told us. It's so frustrating to feel like we're the only ones who are serious about it.

Our second problem is that we take spiritual growth seriously. We always read and discuss the book or whatever before the group. We are growing spiritually on our own outside the group. When we try to go deeper or more philosophical, the other members of the group want to stay on surface issues. We have been shut down more times than I care to remember because we were straying from the "standard Christian response" and trying to actually explore something from all sides. We feel like we don't belong and that the others don't really want us there. So...we stopped going after trying several different groups for several months each at our church.

We've started our own group outside our church with 2 other like-minded and serious students of the Bible. It's an awfully small group, but at least everyone else is committed to it too. It's at our house and we have a potluck dinner. We meet 2 times a month to accommodate everyone's busy schedules. I would love to be a part of a larger group. I feel sad and jealous when someone gives a testimonial in front of the church about how close they are to everyone else in their small group and how accepted they feel. They talk about how they've been helped financially or emotionally or practically (providing meals or babysitting through sickness). Our little group does some of that for each other, but with only 4 people (3 families), it's not as do-able.

I want a small group. I want the closeness that other people talk about with other Christians. I want people to talk about my faith with that won't dismiss me for being too liberal or conservative or deep. (Most of the time when I'm around other Christians, I've learned to keep my mouth shut because the discussions become too vitriolic when you're not a "yes-man".) I've always been an introvert with only 1 or 2 good friends at a time, so I don't expect 20 best friends, but it would be nice to know I could count on a couple of other families in an emergency, but I just can't.